No matter what you do

I will continue to

have these deep feelings for you.

Please don’t leave

Please don’t leave me

‘cause every time you leave

I FEEL IT

tuggin’n’ tuggin’n’ tuggin’n’

on my heart strings.

My nerves are shot!

‘cause you’re all I’ve got!

I’m tied in a knot

and it keeps growin’

tighter’n’tighter’n‘tighter

around my heart.

I know you fancy yourself a cat

(the way you take’n’leave)

but that

I will never believe

is the true you.

So don’t confuse me with facts

no matter what you do

I will continue to

have these deep feelings for you.

Please don’t leave

Please don’t leave me

‘cause every time you leave

I FEEL IT

tuggin’n’ tuggin’n’ tuggin’n’

on my heart strings.

My nerves are shot!

‘cause you’re all I’ve got!

I’m tied in a knot

and it keeps growin’

tighter’n’tighter’n‘tighter

around my heart.

I know you fancy yourself a cat

(the way you take’n’leave)

but that

I will never believe

is the true you.

So don’t confuse me with facts

no matter what you do

I will continue to

have these deep feelings for you

Deep

feelings

deep feelings for you

deep deep feelings

no matter what you do.

Deep deep deep feelings

feelings for you

dip dip dip

deep deep feelings

no matter what you do

I don’t know why you love me

(Loving you is easy.)

The facts confuse me

(I’m confused!)

Loving you is so easy

because I love you

(Unconditionally)

Please don’t tug on my heart strings.

Deep feelings

deep feelings for you

uh-deep deep feelings

no matter what you do.

Uh-Deep deep deep feelings

for you

dip dip dip

deep deep feelings

feelings

no matter what you do

I'm in deep deep doo doo

all because of you

and I will continue to

have these deep feelings for you.

My nerves are shot!

‘cause you’re all I’ve got!

I’m Tied in a knot

But it keeps growin’

tighter’n’tighter’n‘tighter

around my heart.

I'm tuggin’n’ tuggin’

but it keeps growin’ tighter’n’tighter’

I'm tuggin’n’ tuggin’

but it keeps growin’ tighter’n’tighter around my heart’

Bah-bup-bah-bah

Bah-bup-bow-wow

Bah-bup-bah-bah-oo-ah-ha

Bah-bup-bah-bah

Bah-bup-bow-wow

Please don’t tug on my heart strings.

--------------

This upload marks the first of many to come from a long-lost album by My Hero, a band that became a huge part of my musical life during my early years in Oakland. The group formed somewhat serendipitously after I met Mark Stichman—known to most as simply “Stikman”—who quickly became one of my closest friends during that period.

Stikman had an enormous catalog of original songs, including an ambitious opera based on Günter Grass’s novel The Flounder. Before I met him, various incarnations of his band had featured numerous Bay Area musicians who later found success in bands like Counting Crows, Testament, and Sheryl Crow, among others. Eventually, I brought on three of my music conservatory friends—Rob Reich, John Brooks, and Robin Reynolds—who’d also relocated to Oakland. Together with Stikman and drummer Craig Dukes, we formed My Hero, remaining actively involved between roughly 2002 and 2005.

Stikman and I spent countless hours recording in his Polymorph Studios—the same studio where I later produced several miRthkon albums. We worked tirelessly on what was intended to become My Hero’s full-length debut album. (We did manage to release an EP.) But eventually, a creative falling-out brought things to an abrupt halt. While our friendship survived this rift, it never completely recovered.

One standout song from that period is Deep Feelings, which originally appeared as a loose, two-minute demo on a stack of CDs Stikman gave me shortly after we first met. Initially very simple—just two chords and an infectious melody—it evolved dramatically into something epic over months of collaboration. I contributed new musical sections, elaborate arrangements, and detailed orchestration. We built massive layers of strings, including Robin’s 16 overdubbed cello parts and Karla Kihlstedt’s 20-layer violin orchestra. We even brought in additional sopranos to create a choir-like vocal effect. The scope of the arrangement was immense, and I was deeply proud of the results.

Yet creative tensions persisted. Frequently, I’d return to the studio after a long session to find Stikman had drastically altered our agreed-upon arrangements. Of course, he had every right—it was originally his song. But after years spent collaboratively building and meticulously planning, his constant revisions felt increasingly frustrating. This became a pattern that extended beyond this song: We worked intensively on around sixteen tracks, and in nearly every case, our agreements on arrangements and mixes were later undermined by Stikman’s compulsive tinkering. Eventually, this reached a breaking point—I confronted him, and he bluntly reaffirmed his right to make whatever changes he wanted. While he was certainly within his rights, it was the erosion of trust and collaboration that hurt most. It took Stikman another ten years before finally releasing these songs publicly, and the resulting mixes were nearly unrecognizable compared to what we’d worked so diligently on. (I’m providing a link to his later version below.)

Stikman never shared the original multitrack files with me. So when Logic introduced powerful new stem-separation tools last year, I seized the opportunity to salvage our final agreed-upon mix from an old stereo file. The version I’m sharing here represents my best attempt to reconstruct and honor what I believe was our strongest, most authentic collaborative vision for the song.

Stikman passed away in 2020—not from COVID, but due to ongoing heart issues. When I left Oakland to move overseas, I gave him a substantial amount of my musical gear, partly because I knew he could use it, but mostly because it was a fitting goodbye gift to a dear friend I wasn’t sure when I’d see again. Sadly, we never spoke after that move. I deeply miss him and our friendship, and I’m still saddened by the way things ended. Knowing his history, and how quickly other collaborators had come and gone, part of me still wishes he’d recognized how genuinely committed I’d been—not that I place myself above others, but simply because our partnership meant a great deal to me.

Despite these complicated feelings, I owe Stikman an immense debt. Early in our friendship, he profoundly helped me in ways that changed my life forever—stories I’ll share at another time. Our musical partnership, challenging as it became, will always remain deeply meaningful to me.

I’m conflicted about finally sharing this track publicly, but countless hours of creative energy from myself and many talented friends went into this music. Craig, our drummer, is absolutely thrilled it’s finally seeing the light of day. Ultimately, so am I. But let the record show: I miss Stikman greatly, I love him, and I’m forever grateful our paths crossed.